I had to wonder at the timing of it all – life was so….blissful. The reason for all of this. The small things that fill me full of wonder on a seemingly daily basis where we live. I thought I should start a blog as a way to acknowledge my gratitude and make it known to the Universe that I DO see that my life is blessed. But then I actually gave the blog a name and brought the idea to fruition and that very week hard times hit.
I had gone to Surrey to drop of my passport paperwork. It was fast. Easy even. I was thrilled with how friendly the person I had to deal with was. Usually they are somewhat – is droneish the right word? Once done there I stopped off at a nearby Asian market to pick up some ingredients for recipes I had wanted to try. I thought there must have been divine intervention indeed, when I came across a bottle of rose water for under $5.00. Not even noon and my blessings were piling up. It was sunny and fabulous and bright. There must be balance though. It is the rule of the Universe. I talked to the Man. He didn’t hint of anything having gone awry on such a beautiful day. He loves me. So off to home I started…
I came in and put my things down and did the usual hellos and hugs and kisses to kids and hubby. Enter the sadness. Earlier that day my hubby had taken the kids for a walk and my little yorkie, Buffy was dawdling along behind them. We live in a hamlet. It’s REALLY small and everyone knows everyone here. I love it. But on this day, one of the neighbors Chinese Fighting Dogs (meanest dogs in town and they had only recently inherited them from the business they had just taken over) jumped the fence and attacked my Buffy. My old girl that had travelled from coast to Canadian coast with me, comforted me through my divorce, understood when I had to spend a little bit more time with the babies when they came…It was May long and the vet had long since closed for the day but the Man had cleaned her up the best he could.
Buffy, our little nishlet, liked slept best on anything that involved blankets, pillows, or mommy's clothes.
I made a herbal infusion and washed her with it again when I got home and gave her tempra for any pain. In the morning we’d take her in. Somewhere in my heart I knew it was the end. She was so old but still feisty when the right breeze hit her. Part of me was afraid that if I took her to the vet they’d put her down and I wasn’t ready. After all these years together I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. That morning we took her out and she did her business. This made me happy. I thought she’d be okay. She lied down in the sunshine with the clouds still hanging out at the tops of the mountains. Every bird on the mountain seemed to be singing that morning. It was so beautiful I thought she’d rather wait out there while I went in to have a shower and get ready to go. Buffy passed away shortly thereafter. She couldn’t have picked a more blissful day to return to the Mother.
We buried Buffy in the flower garden in the back by the elder tree. Each of us put a handful of dirt on her and said our bit, even the children. When she was covered Darrah sat on my lap and we cried together with my arms around her. My heart was breaking. I think when the loved ones in our life return to the Source, or Heaven, or Valhalla…whatever your name is for it, that they take a piece of our soul with them. Afterwards, we piled in to the jeep and went to garden centre. I explained to the lady that my little dog had just passed and that I wanted something that was beautiful and liked the shade. She suggested all kinds of beautiful plants but none of them were right. And then I saw it – on a bench, away from the other plants – a lovely, lush Lady’s Mantle. The plant of alchemists, transformation, and stardust. Only one. In the entire centre. I hope Buffy likes it.
A few days later a man accidently backed into the corner of my rear bumper. Things were…hard. I sat down and thought about how I had only JUST decided to start a blog about the blissful things in our life and now everything seemed to be going wrong. Then it came to me. No one can really be blissful if they can’t find a piece of it in the hard times as well. My very important lady in my life mentioned to me that it’s possible that Buffy’s purpose here was to be a rescue dog. Those Chinese Fighting Dogs were always getting out. They had been up on our very porch barking menacingly at the children and I on two different occassions. When Buffy was attacked the neighbors called the police and the owners were advised to get rid of at least the more vicious dog, if not both of them. It could just as easily have been one of my children that were attacked that day. In a way, Buffy may have saved the life of one of the kids. I am so thankful for that.
With the van..well. My bumper got a little crinkled and lost some paint. The van wasn’t written off. It works just fine. He could have hit one of the doors instead with the kids inside.
While I am left with sadness I still feel the sunshine on my face. I still revel in the kids practicing their evil laughs. Even my one year old has decided she’d take up the family past time and is practicing her evil laugh now. I know with every fibre of my being that things are as they should be and that I am in the centre of joy, kindness, and LIFE. Beautiful, bourgeoning, and fecund life. All around me…